Tripping My Way To the Top
There are days, and then there are months. I’m currently drowning in the latter. Can you see me? Yeah, there I am…the old lady with seaweed stuck in her teeth, flailing her arms, and calling for a life jacket made out of chocolate.
It’s been one ridiculous excruciating hiccup after the next with no blessed end in sight. Each new day I awaken with the mindset that I won’t let the stress that accompanies major life changes beat me down or sour my perspective. I promise my soul to ignore other people’s machinations or negative frenzies. I tell myself to let the silly and crazy pass by and shelf the rest, determined not to fall flat on my butt in frustration as my career transitions yet again. I have worked hard to rustle up and temper my trepidations and can my fears. No use allowing those emotions to rule the roost. Yet, like a serpent, my life seems to beckon me forward with the promise of a new beginning, while all along demonically plotting and planning my slow and nonsensical demise. So much so that even my appliances have banded together to go on strike. Think I’m kidding? Take a seat. Here're just a few examples…
Exhibit #1: The spring to my dishwasher snapped so now when one opens to load it, the door comes crashing down lightning speed, bringing along the unsuspecting victim with it. I’m always yelling, “No, don’t open that!” But alas, most of the time a wee bit too late. This scene would be comical if it weren't the symbol of my life.
Exhibit #2: Then there’s my handy-dandy second backup refrigerator that has always been my friend. Located in the garage, it’s the spring-summer catch all for all the extras…cold waters and drinks, prepared foods for gatherings, and of course, the yummy caloric extras like ice cream and ices, as well as a healthy supply of snacks. However, Gertrude, that’s what I call her decided she had had enough and left this planet the day before the Graduation BBQ, so, of course, that meant ALL the food I had prepped and cooked FOR COUNTLESS HOURS had to be now stuffed into one not so big refrigerator in the house. What a mess.
Of course, this feat of feats was accomplished by removing shelves to accommodate the larger containers and oversized tins. Looked hideous and I swear, felt like a conspiracy. I kid you not. Every single time, -without fail, that I went inside to grab for an item—no matter what it was, it was inevitably underneath a thousand other trays or bowls or behind all else. So that meant constantly pulling out seven others trays or plates blocking the way. By the end of the day, I wanted to slit my wrists.
Gertrude- you have let me down. Dismissed.
Exhibit #3: Everyone in this house enjoys the television. Never an issue. I finally get a flipping minute to sit down after days and days of running around cooking, cleaning, shopping, prepping, republishing… and I plop my ample butt in my favorite chair, lean back, grab the remote control AND- it doesn’t work. Checked the batteries: MIA. Not the end of the world except---- I have no extra batteries…I thought I did. Swear I bought some, but of course, I can’t remember where I put them. That would only make sense.
Exhibit #4: Looked high and low for a pair of scissors. Found them in a drawer. Somebody thought it would be a good idea to crazy-glue them shut. Not funny.
Exhibit #5: With only minutes before guests arrived, I walked into the house through the garage, juggling BBQ items and banged my kneecap hard on the corner of the door. OUCH-Expletive-OUCH.
#Exhibit #6: But I wasn’t finished destroying my body parts. No, not me. Descending from the stairs carrying a bag of laundry I tripped over a power extension cord. A very long, obnoxiously long cable attached to teen computer. When asked [in a tone I’d rather not dwell on] why this was necessary, teen explained that he “gets a faster connection.” He better hope to GOD it makes his legs run faster too.
Exhibit #7: We don’t wear shoes in the house, and so we have THREE shoe shelves in the garage to accommodate. When all six kids lived at home, this amount was necessary and full. Now, not so much, but these towers of shelves remain fixed and ready. I did say THREE, correct? And YET there are still shoes that litter the floor every single day without fail.
How do I know? Seriously, you had to ask?
Because all my kids were back home for their brother’s graduation party and so were all their bad habits. After navigating through mounds of personal belongings scattered about, a collection of baby paraphernalia x 4, and the hustle and bustle of a loud house, I tripped on a pair of size 14 basketball sneakers while holding a tray of cooked food. Now my knee has company. Knee meet toe. Darn, Big Foot people that I gave birth to and their unnecessary gigantic long feet… So tired of this nonsense…
Exhibit #8: My computer, my baby, my friend is on its last leg. Poor thing. I have worked it much too hard. Constant glitches, shutting off while writing, overheating, sticking keys, keys missing letters and a host of other things. The thought of buying a new computer is daunting. Expensive, but can also be exciting, but just not today. Today is a super rough day for me personally.
Exhibit #9: All those who know me or read my blog -Thank you from the bottom of my heart, which now seems to live on the ground with the rest of my bruised body- know that at the beginning of this month I was informed that my publisher was officially closing their doors on May 31st.
-At 3 pm Eastern Standard Time.
And, if you have been following my circus [life], you’ll remember the enormous scramble began almost immediately to come up with a viable solution to get my books a home. With only days to pull it together, my heart was racing. Felt like a grownup version of the Train That Could, huffing and puffing my way back to put my novels back on the shelf in the most appropriate and professional of manner without losing my mind and retirement fund in the process.
I am thrilled to announce that after countless mishaps, a legacy of frustrating moments too many to bore you with, and spent dollars I didn’t have, As One Door Closes, The Broken Half, and Secrets That Find Us will be BACK on the Amazon platform by June 1st! Kindle is only days away.
My next book is written, in the process of being edited and proofed, and hopefully, I will find her a new home as well. Preferably with a press or publisher that understands the necessity to promote books that while contemporary fiction, address dangerous and deadly social ills. Who will not only supply talented teams to bring the books physically to fruition but help me get my books and their message into the hands and hearts of those who want and need them the most.
Exhibit #10: Like I told you, all my grown children came for a visit. One grown who borrowed my car left with the keys. Yes, they are being overnighted back, but guess who was housebound yesterday?
This list could go on forever because my life, like everyone else’s I’m sure, isn’t the smooth picturesque life we see glamorized on the big screen or in Facebook photos. It’s more the nitty-gritty life version, consumed with potholes, mishaps, and cement walls. It’s the kind of life filled with calamities both vast and small and unfortunately for too many of us, a life conditioned to wade through piles of muck. I find that all too often it becomes an existence endlessly defined by one’s actions and decisions. Painstakingly haunted by the consequences of those who are not mindful of theirs, but it is also a life filled with moments of blissful happiness that fortify the heart, if you take the time to enjoy them, and that is what I intend to do.
PS: I found the batteries for the remote control in someone’s sock drawer. Don’t ask.