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  • Sahar Abdulaziz

Doing a Blog Tour is like Passing a Stone


Doing a blog tour is like passing a stone.

Okay, not really, but kind of . . . Let me explain-

The day my blog tour was set to begin was this past Saturday, October 10th. I was looking forward to this experience, promoting my books, meeting readers, chatting online, etc. Exciting stuff- except, on October 9th, I began to pass a kidney stone, or two, or three. I’ve lost count. As I now type, I’m thrilled to report that I’m on cruise control. On the happy pills, the doctor gave me to keep from screaming profanities in three different languages [including American Sign language] and scaring innocent neighborhood children and pets.

And speaking of happy pills, this stuff is outrageously good. I probably shouldn’t say that aloud, but does writing it down count? The pain of passing these boulders is indescribable. Trust me when I tell you, the happy pills are keeping me somewhat sane. They are also helping me to find new ways to entertain myself while I cringe and complain.

My back hurts.

I’m also on an antibiotic to fight off infection. The chills and fever were a hoot. On Friday, it was close to 75 degrees outside. After returning from the CAT scan, I slipped out of my public attire, and could be seen clomping around the house in sweats, two shirts, a hoodie, and socks WITH slippers. I was a sight to behold. Stunning in my subway attire. Ready for the apocalypse. Tasty treats for zombies.

But I digress. [Blame it on the Happy Pills]

Doctor told me that dehydration could make kidney stones worse. Worse? How much worse?

How much more water do I have to drink?

-I-3 quarts a day? You have got to be kidding me. I’m already floating over here . . .

So, while moaning in bed, throwing myself my very own anointed pity-party, I went online to research my current quandary to see how other folks dealt with this torture. Came to find out, most did about as well as I’m doing. And if you must know, I'm thrilled to know that I am not alone or a big crybaby. SEE! -Misery does, in fact, adore company.

I also, during my Internet travels, came to find out some seriously interesting facts about kidney stones, thanks to WebMD. A few that I’d like to share now with the entire universe, or whoever is still reading.

-Did you know that evidence of kidney stones was discovered in a 700-year-old Egyptian mummy? I Kid-ney you not! ;)

-“Star Trek” star, William Shatner sold his kidney stone for $25,000 to benefit Habitat for Humanity. Okay, I don’t necessarily see the connection exactly, but mega-cool, Mr. Shatner you stone-cold-rebel you! BTW- my stones will go for much less, and I’ll even throw in a nice keepsake bottle. All your friends and family will be jealous, I promise.

-The southeastern part of the nation is nicknamed the “stone belt” because kidney stones are so common there. Now this is alarming.

-Three times as many men as women have kidney stones. Men are so competitive- even in stones! You win men! Take them- They're all yours-

Pretty neat stuff, right? Then I decided, hey, why not make up a few fun hashtags for this blog, while I’m already making a fool of myself? Go for broke. Here are a few of my favorites.

#thistooshallpass

#StonerinPA

#likearollingstone

#astone’sthrowaway

#legallystoned

#stonecoldmama

You get the point, but listen, please feel free to post some of your creative witticisms [keep it clean]. Especially if you’ve done that -been there -and are part of the official Kidney Stone Passing Brigade!

Lastly, I decided to work on my attire. I need to up my game. Yes, I know, you think I’m kidding. However, I am here to tell you that there are websites that cater specifically to folks like me who think passing kidney stones can be humorous. [Minus the pain, the excruciating agony, and the overall rotten experience]. One site sold tee-shits, hats, key chains, mouse pads, tote bags, pins, magnets, aprons, bumper stickers, cell phone cases, postcards and my favorite, coffee mugs! I especially liked the coffee mug that read:

I Have Kidney Stones. What’s Your Excuse?

That’s right! Tell ‘em! I’m bad, -I’m bad!

Ouch, I feel bad.

A blog tour? Who, me? Where?

OUCH! I feel really bad.

To Blog or not to Blog- that remains the question . . .

*&*^%$%#@%&^%$!!!!!!!!!!

Time to go. Anyone know where I put my happy pills?

* * *

Oh, and by the way, if you should find yourself in need or want of purchasing super cool Kidney Stone memorabilia, this is the place ;)

http://www.zazzle.com/kidney+stone+humor+gifts


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