When Sibling Rivalry Reaches New Lows
As a mother of six children, or as rumor would have you believe- now all grown, I honestly assumed I had seen and heard every imaginable mechanization that occurs in big families between siblings. All the plotting and planning, the sneaky conniving, the royal setups and, of course, the sabotages, but nothing, NOTHING I tell you, could have prepared me for yesterday’s special treat.
Some families yell when upset, others cry, some panic. My family uses humor. Our collective world could be crashing in and imploding all around us, major catastrophe and tensions riding high in waves of calamity, and one of mine with deflate the situation into uproarious laughter. Inevitably someone from my patch will undoubtedly come out with a zinger, comment or behavior that will jar or crack the batch of us up. Yesterday was no different.
One of my daughter’s is currently in the hospital for the remaining ten + weeks of her pregnancy. She is carrying twins. Unfortunately she is battling the onset of premature labor. In danger of a repeat performance, the doctor had decided hospitalization and 24-hour bed rest was the wisest call. We all agree. However, my daughter currently resides in Maryland, and we live in PA. Not terrible, but not a ten-minute ride either. Thankfully, our other daughter lives in Maryland as well and has been able to help her sister through this entire ordeal.
The sisters have always been extremely close, more like best friends and crime partners. Since this tribulation started, the Prego’s sister, already a mother of two small demanding babies has gone above and beyond all while juggling the demands of a career and marriage. This situation hasn't been easy, but she has even slept on the cot in her sister's hospital room those first few scary nights to make sure the Prego kept her spirits up.
Upon our arrival, we hit the food store to purchase a few super delicious, healthy snacks for our preggo, who finds hospital food less than redeeming. Then it was off to the hospital for a visit and a cheer-up.
The hospital is a small distance away, through some questionable areas of the city, but after a few missed turns, we arrived, no worse for the wear despite my daughter's driving. We all trooped in and converged on the preggo, proceeding to fill the room to capacity. Dad was boasting a bouquet of gorgeous flowers; Prego was all smiles. The noise level happily rose, but I have to say, we are a supportive clan.
I won’t lie. As their mother I was beaming from witnessing such sheer sisterly devotion, love and commitment, knowing full well I must have had something to do with it! However, as I sat on the bed with my Prego, lamenting aloud how proud I was of the both of them, the Prego quickly snickered, interrupting my speech, ‘Hold up Ma. Before you go on, she sent me an invoice for services rendered.”
“What are you talking about, an invoice?” I asked incredulously.
“Here, read this,” the Prego said smirking, handing me her smartphone.
INVOICE FOR HOSPITAL INMATE: Abdulaziz
$7 chicken meal
$100 for pain & suffering driving through a ghetto of Baltimore
$150 for time & effort
$200 for having to sleep in a hospital chair (please see attached file for exhibit A)
$8 plastic tub for kids clothes
$18 car retrieval
$303 for enduring a ghetto ugly old guy yelling from his jalopy, "hey sweetheart! You are gorgeous as shit!!" to me while I was walking across the street to retrieve said car. #kneestochest
$99 for back massages during vomiting sessions
$75 for packing bags
$150 for cleaning bedroom
$550 for my children's pain and suffering from separation of their mother
$14 for shaving material
$3 commissary surcharge
$50 for gas
$80 for listening to constant complaints
$200 for staying overnight at the hospital and missing out on sexy bedroom times at home
$20 hospital snacks
$35 for straightening hair
Total Balance: add it all up; you know I'm not good at math
I take cash, credit, check, money order, food stamps, WIC checks, and EBT transfers.
I should have known.